Sad world


Hello everyone! 

I love to read! What I remember about myself is that I would read whenever and wherever I was. I tried to finish my work as fast as I possibly could at school so I could read (I was around 6 or 7 years old I think), at home I would read all day, when I was on a break I would read all day. Every week I would go to the library to pick up 8 books (that was the maximum amount of books we could borrow)and I could not wait to to go home to read, that's why I started reading on my way home, on the street, you guys... I spent my vacations at the library I was there when it opened until closing time. You must be like 'Okay, Laxmi we get it, you like reading A LOT. Can you move on'? Sorry guys I am just trying to paint a picture here ;). When I am reading, I just transform in to the main character of the book, and I would ponder a lot. I would put myself in their situation and wonder what I would do... 
When I was around 9 or 10 years old my teacher taught us about the Second World War. She let the class watch a movie about it and some people cried. It was a tough subject though so it was understandable. Since then I became intrigued with that subject and guess what I did? I went to the library and I read every single book about the Second World War I could find. And the things I read were horrendous. It was like there was a train wreck waiting to happen and you just couldn't look away. 

In the past couple of years I have learned to look at both sides of the story. And I realized that people would do anything to survive and believe strongly in what they tell themselves to believe in order to survive. I found it very upsetting that in a lot of stories people forgot their humanity. Their sense to care for each other just flew out of the window. I asked myself 'What would you do in such a situation'? And I was like (just to remind you, I was about 11 years old)I would kill myself before I would become inhumane. And that was an easy decision for me to make because I lived in a black and white world back then. You know, I defined things by good and bad. But nowadays I realize there is a ginormous grey area in between and now I am like I want to live. But what would I do in order to be alive? Would I be able to kill? Would I be able to throw everything I believe away in order to save my own life or my families life? If I am going to be honest with you guys, I have no idea...

Most of the things I read about the Second World War happend in the past, so there was a distance between me and the books. But with all the (terrorist)attacks we are having these days the distance between the books and me are becoming smaller and smaller... Which is freaking me out. I never realized how much I love life. Last year with the Paris attack I said to my friends 'Guys, I am terrified. I do believe that the Netherlands is on their hitlist'. And a lot of my friends agreed with me. And guess what? Today, when I woke up I decided to go Facebook and I saw that there was another attack in Brussels. And I got kind of scared... I feel my need to survive kicking in... Like, guys I want to live. I am going to get very superficial here, so my apologies. I am only 21 years old and I want to experience things, I want to be able to go to work, get my diploma, rent an apartment eventually and I want to be able to not live in fear. I might sound kind of crazy right now but I feel like World War Three is around the corner and I am scared for my mom, my cousins, my family, my friends and everybody else. I never thought that I would feel this way... I thought people these days would be smarter, more sympathetic towards echt other you know? But unfortunately their actions say other wise. We were doing good you know, and then this happened. 

I am also afraid that people are going to generalize a whole population group because of the attacks. And that is just what happened in the beginning of the Second World War. Back then they needed a group to blame the inflation on.. And it freaking worked.. In the Netherlands I have noticed that a lot of people are turning a bit hostile towards Muslims. Especially on social media. I am freaked out of what people do when they are scared. Those kind of people are actually targeting Muslims and in my opinion that´s what happened with the Jews. I feel like,  we should stick together as a whole population, the Dutch population. We are one guys, we are an unity, I hope people feel the same way though...

I just want to finish this post by saying that I am disappointed in the world we live in. I want to send my condoleances to everyone who has lost someone because of the situation we are in now. 

xo Laxmi 

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